carving pumpkins

i have always loved carving pumpkins-maybe because it is art, maybe because it is a family tradition, maybe because i love pumpkin seeds! anyway you slice it, i love this time of year. it has taken me a lot of time to appreciate the 4 seasons-maybe because i dislike winter so much.

don't get me wrong-i love the look of the snow hanging in the trees and the back yard before the dogs go out and dig up dirt all over the gorgeous white blanket a night snowfall has left. i love seeing kids sled riding and snowmans and i cannot wait to have children to share the fun of the snow with...but it always feels so long. ususally by january 1st, i am ready for summer and sunshine and warmth and longer days.

i hate nightfall at 5:30 and being trapped inside. i hate having to layer up in 40 different shirts and 3 pairs of socks to go outside. i like the freedom of throwing on a pair of flip flops and taking the dogs out for a run in the yard. i hate the nasty salt and slush look on all of the cars from november-march. i hate the rushing around at the holidays and the thought that i am so blessed and there are so many out there that are not so lucky. i guess that's why i never really liked fall too much. i knew what was just around the corner...all of those things that i hate so much.

luckily, my opinions have changed. sure, i still don't like too much about winter, but finally, i am able to enjoy what i have right in front of me: fall. the gorgeous leaves, the constant changes nature goes through. it seems like a shedding of the past year, the good & bad-to start fresh. the smells, the sports, the memories. i have finally started to appreciate these blessings. only took me 27 years. God is good.

getting older is getting better

so one of my very best friends got married this past weekend. i decided that because i rarely see her (since she moved 3000 miles away a few years ago) that i would sleep over @ the hotel the night before with our other friends and really spend some great time with her before the big day. i am so glad that i did. i love her and always end up laughing my ass off when i am with her.

after the rehearsal dinner, i said goodbye to ad and we were off to the south side for some late night adult beverages and girls nite fun! what i realized throughout the evening was just how old i have gotten in the past few years. at first, i felt a tad uncomfortable in these bars and nightclubs, college kids everywhere, dressed like they were being filmed for a "jersey shore" episode and dancing as ridiculously as i did @ SRU years back. then i starting really thinking about how little i miss those times.

don't get me wrong-do i miss those people? yes. do i miss the wild & crazy nights out on the town feeling carefree and young & on top of the world? sometimes. but when i really think about what i have gained in giving up that lifestyle, i think about how lucky i am. i have the best things in the world surrounding me every single day and i wouldn't trade my life now for anything on earth.

when talking to my friend about life after the "big day," i told her how thankful i was to have found such a guy, and i truly believe she has also met her 100% match in every way. she is marrying someone that compliments her in every way a person should be complimented and he adores her, what's more. i am so excited for her & i know the rest of her life will be better simply because he is in it. she deserves him & the love he gives her.

this weekend made me so thankful in so many ways. i am a lucky girl. there is no doubt about it!

busy week

this has been a tough week for me. i could blame it on all the last minute details i have been working on for my friend's wedding, traveling for work, or even just all the last second things that have come up since monday.

truth is... i'm glad i have been so busy, because it has kept my mind from thinking about what a hard week this really has been. this week marks 10 years since my pappap left this earth and 7 years since scott has passed so tragically. i miss both of these men so much, and unfortunately, i am a habitual over-thinker. my brain just never shuts off-this "trait" allows me to be creative & inventive, but also keeps me awake at night and keeps me worrying about things completely out of my control.

i know that death is a part of life, and i understand that in death, both of these men have found salvation & are with our Lord. That is, of course, comforting & wonderful, but the sinful, human side of me can't help but think of how much i miss them both and the memories we had made & the emptiness that fills those places in my heart. thank goodness for family & good friends to make these times seem a little easier each passing year.

there is so much to look forward to in my life, and i know that i will always have the memory of 2 amazing men that are now with their Father. i am so thankful for the things that i have been given in my life & i cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for me. i hope that others out there, like me, having a hard time in their lives find peace in others around them as well as within their hearts. they are only gone from us for a short while, they are just keeping our seats warm for us when we get there...