big news!

so it has been f.o.r.e.v.e.r since i have been on here and i can honestly say how much i have missed writing. it hasn't been because i have had nothing to say...only too much to say and not enough to sit down and write it out!

the biggest news is that adam & i are expecting our first miracle. we are due on october 12th...and that day seems so far away and so close all at once. i can't believe i am about to be a mom...something i have dreamed about my entire life. our lives are going to be forever changed. well, they already are.

i have thought about this for so many months. am i ready? are WE ready? do we have enough money? is our house ready? is Hunter ready? then my dad had a second heart attack in september...and i decided...i am ready. that did it. and anyone can say that is not a good enough reason. anyone is entitled to think that it is poor logic to base such a decision on something like that, but i can tell you that that one life moment changed a lot about hte way i think and feel.

will we ever REALLY be ready for a baby? i mean, is anyone really ready? there will always be surprises and unexpected mishaps no matter how prepared you think you are...i think knowing that makes me more ready than most. sure, i have a lot to learn...but doesn't every new parent? i know this-adam is the most patient man i have ever met. people that barely even know him sense that about him in their first impression...i mean, and wouldn't he HAVE to be...to agree to spend his life with me?

when i think about myself as a mom, i really am not sure what i willl be like. i have a hard time picturing it...but i can picture adam as a dad perfectly. he will be the dad every woman dreams her husband would be. that is what i am most excited for...well, that and meeting our miracle.

i know october 12th will be here before we know it...

it's been awhile...

there have been a number of times i have sat down at my computer to write out the innermost thoughts in my mind, but even if i started a new page, i never was able to finish one without unbelieveable distractions. the past few months have truly been a whirlwind-both physically and emotionally. lots of changes in my life-some good, some great, some not easy to understand, but most-just normal life.

i wish i could say that i take everything easy and always see the brightest side to every story and every person, but usually, i am the opposite. not that i only see the worst in people, but i normally do expect the worst.

maybe to eliminate the possibility of being blindsided by life's difficult moments. maybe i look for the worst so that when something unexpectidly great comes along, it feels that much better. whatever it is about me that makes me prepare for the worst in life, i wish i could change it. i feel like i can't possibly be experiencing pure uninhabited joy, if i am secretly always waiting for the "inevitable" let down. i pray about this constantly and i hope to change this part of myself so that my life really does reflect upon all of God's blessings 100% of the time.