there have been a number of times i have sat down at my computer to write out the innermost thoughts in my mind, but even if i started a new page, i never was able to finish one without unbelieveable distractions. the past few months have truly been a whirlwind-both physically and emotionally. lots of changes in my life-some good, some great, some not easy to understand, but most-just normal life.
i wish i could say that i take everything easy and always see the brightest side to every story and every person, but usually, i am the opposite. not that i only see the worst in people, but i normally do expect the worst.
maybe to eliminate the possibility of being blindsided by life's difficult moments. maybe i look for the worst so that when something unexpectidly great comes along, it feels that much better. whatever it is about me that makes me prepare for the worst in life, i wish i could change it. i feel like i can't possibly be experiencing pure uninhabited joy, if i am secretly always waiting for the "inevitable" let down. i pray about this constantly and i hope to change this part of myself so that my life really does reflect upon all of God's blessings 100% of the time.
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