Mother's Day

This Sunday will be my first official "Mother's Day". I can't explain how emotional this makes me. First and foremost, I am so thrilled to be a mom. It is something I have longed for since being a little girl. I thought I would know what I was getting into, but I was so wrong. I got so much more than I could have imagined when Heidi burst into my life...all 9 lbs of her.

happy girl

The ache I feel everytime I leave her in the morning to go to work. The anxiety and restlessness I feel during that hour ride home, knowing I will see her and hold her and squeeze her in moments. The helplessness I still feel when she is trying to figure something out, and gets frustrated. The way my heart literally melts inside of me when she is falling asleep in my arms, patting my my leg, and singing to herself. The excitement I feel for days when she learns something new or babbles a word that sounds anything like "mama"...she is the most precious gift in the world. I am the luckiest mom on earth.

Mother's Day also reminds me of all the great and wonderful moms that I miss so much, especially my nana. She was without a doubt the STRONGEST woman I have ever known, but still the most gentle when it was needed. She raised the most amazing woman on earth, and I can't imagine for one second what it would be like to not have my mom there to talk to, ask advice, sneak a hug, or sit and watch her with my little girl. It is an unbelieveable feeling, and one that I fear I take for granted far too much. When it comes down to it...I need my mom more now than I ever did. There's nothing scarier to me than the thought that it is possible that one day she might not be there. I am finally wise enough to cherish every. single. moment.

To all of those that I know without moms this year (there are 2 in particular I just can't stop thinking about), my heart is with you. I can't imagine how hard this Sunday will be. I can't imagine how hard EVERYDAY is. You are stronger girls than I, and I hope you know that your moms were wonderful. They loved you with all of their hearts and cared for you more than anyone else ever could. (I finally know what that kind of love is like). I love you both. I am here for you both. I know it's not the same. It couldn't be. But moms don't leave us, they are always here...that kind of love doesn't go away.

i love you, nana

I love you, mom. Heidi loves you too.