the first time i ever heard that song by miranda lambert, i thought how true that is! the place where i grew up, filled with my fmaily and memories-that house that protected me from the weather, from intruders, from lonliness, from harm. hy house was so much more than a house-so much more than siding and stairs and cinderblocks-it was home. the word home means so much to me, even more these days than ever.
my parents are selling my home. it is the best decision they could ever make for themselves. that house is too big for the 2 of them. it is hard to take care of and becoming a burden to them both. they made the decision to sell and it seems like a week went by and it was gone. maybe that's because a week did go by and it was gone. it's a great house. no wonder someone wanted it so badly. i am so jealous of the new owner and i hope he fills that home with memories even HALF as great as my own.
there is so much about that house that makes it special.
the stairs.
those darn things might be the biggest reason for the big move. there are 37 of them. some of them cracked, most of them crooked and each one means more snow to shovel in the winter and more work when carrying the grocheries in from the car. they are becoming an issue for dad's heart and it is time to make life easier on him.
all i can think about when i see those stairs are the thousands of races up them with erin and my dad. "last one up is a..." every single time we got home from anywhere. never thought i would miss something so silly. i guess i neevr really thought i would have to miss it. now that it's gone, i couldn't possibly miss it any more.
the woods.
maybe it's because i have spent so much of my childhood running in them, playing in them, hiking in them...maybe it's because nature is such an important part of my family-but those woods will be missed. even though he won't admit to it completely, my dad will miss them. he will miss that he can take a walk in gorgeous nature at a moment's notice. he will miss the deer and the birds that those woods bring to his back door. he will miss the sounds and smells and that gorgeous backdrop to look at while doing the dishes.
the basement.
that basement might be the ugliest in the history of basements. the floor is uneven and there are a million different rooms, each one scarier than the next. sure, basements are scary as a kid, but mine was the scariest! so many memories down there with my mom. she was basically our slave growing up. she always did all of our laundry and cooked meals every night. but that is where my metal car was, and true tom boy at heart, that was my favorite toy in the world. a metal push petal car, shaped like a station wagon (my favorite type of car to this day) and ready for adventure in that dark and scary basement. while mom was doing the never ending loads of laundry, i felt courageous ebough to be down there with her, driving that car into walls, into loads of laundry, into her...
my favorite time of day growing up-laundry time! funny how that time was something i looked forward to with such excitement, now it's a time i avoid like the plague!
the upstairs.
growing up, i always shared a room with erin. we shared until middle school, until my mom couldn't stand the fighting anymore. even though we constantly fought with each other as we got older, and moodier, i definitely learned a lot about myself in those years. i learned that i would rather be fighting with erin than alone in that room. i learned that even though she was beautiful and had everything i wanted in life, she didn't seem to notice. i learned that eventually, i would want to wear a pair of high heels and i better be nice to her if i ever wanted to learn how!
even when we seperated into seperate rooms, we were still upstairs together. just us two. we shared a lot growing up- a bathroom, talks, friends, chores, advice, and most of all- understanding. i don't think 2 sisters could be any more opposite than erin & i, but for some reason, we fit well together. sure-not everything is not always rainbows and butterflies when we are together, but there i snot a person on earth that can make me laugh like erin can. we have more inside jokes between the 2 of us than most people have with a lifetime of friends. we were always told in the middle of a fight how lucky we are to have each other. and no truer words were ever spoken.
then came emma grace.
emma was born into that house. she gave us laughter that we thought was lost forever. she took her first steps in that house and said her first words in that house. she sat in the back yard with her pappy in that hosue and fell asleep to nana reading to her in that house. emma made our house the strongest home on earth.
that home is where my heart is. i hope and pray that my parent's next home will be just as special. i don't know what the future holds, but i have faith that everything will work out for the best. and this new home will feel like home in no time.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
CHRISTMASTIME to make a difference
lately, with the start of the "holiday season" aka department store commercials, christmas shopping countdowns, christmas sections in every store you go to...i have really been thinking about how the American Christmas is really losing sight of what this holiday is all about.
Christmas is about selfless giving.
The wisemen, the sheperds, the little drummer boy. These "characters" in the Christmas pagaent are truly examples of why we celebrate Christmas and how we should. It is a celebration of CHRIST, so why do we buy each other ipods and dvds, sweaters, gift cards...such earthly and selfish gifts? i am guilty of this myself, as last year, i saved up for 3 months to buy my husband an ipod for our first Christmas together. for some reason, i thought it would make me feel good and it would be a memorable gift. this year, i am changing my tune and quite frankly, changing a lot more than that.
this year, instead of giving and receiving gifts that i do not need, i plan to give to families that DO need. families that needs "things" as well as love. families that have suffered so much, a gift could mean the difference between life and death. i can't believe i never thought of this before.
an old friend of mine from high school posted a link to the website adventconspiracy.org and it really put my wheels in motion about the changes i want to make both in myself and in this world. i am ready to put my entire self into helping others first and myself second. and starting this Christmas, i will be a witness to my change!
http://www.adventconspiracy.org/
Christmas is about selfless giving.
The wisemen, the sheperds, the little drummer boy. These "characters" in the Christmas pagaent are truly examples of why we celebrate Christmas and how we should. It is a celebration of CHRIST, so why do we buy each other ipods and dvds, sweaters, gift cards...such earthly and selfish gifts? i am guilty of this myself, as last year, i saved up for 3 months to buy my husband an ipod for our first Christmas together. for some reason, i thought it would make me feel good and it would be a memorable gift. this year, i am changing my tune and quite frankly, changing a lot more than that.
this year, instead of giving and receiving gifts that i do not need, i plan to give to families that DO need. families that needs "things" as well as love. families that have suffered so much, a gift could mean the difference between life and death. i can't believe i never thought of this before.
an old friend of mine from high school posted a link to the website adventconspiracy.org and it really put my wheels in motion about the changes i want to make both in myself and in this world. i am ready to put my entire self into helping others first and myself second. and starting this Christmas, i will be a witness to my change!
http://www.adventconspiracy.org/
Monday, October 31, 2011
carving pumpkins
i have always loved carving pumpkins-maybe because it is art, maybe because it is a family tradition, maybe because i love pumpkin seeds! anyway you slice it, i love this time of year. it has taken me a lot of time to appreciate the 4 seasons-maybe because i dislike winter so much.
don't get me wrong-i love the look of the snow hanging in the trees and the back yard before the dogs go out and dig up dirt all over the gorgeous white blanket a night snowfall has left. i love seeing kids sled riding and snowmans and i cannot wait to have children to share the fun of the snow with...but it always feels so long. ususally by january 1st, i am ready for summer and sunshine and warmth and longer days.
i hate nightfall at 5:30 and being trapped inside. i hate having to layer up in 40 different shirts and 3 pairs of socks to go outside. i like the freedom of throwing on a pair of flip flops and taking the dogs out for a run in the yard. i hate the nasty salt and slush look on all of the cars from november-march. i hate the rushing around at the holidays and the thought that i am so blessed and there are so many out there that are not so lucky. i guess that's why i never really liked fall too much. i knew what was just around the corner...all of those things that i hate so much.
luckily, my opinions have changed. sure, i still don't like too much about winter, but finally, i am able to enjoy what i have right in front of me: fall. the gorgeous leaves, the constant changes nature goes through. it seems like a shedding of the past year, the good & bad-to start fresh. the smells, the sports, the memories. i have finally started to appreciate these blessings. only took me 27 years. God is good.
don't get me wrong-i love the look of the snow hanging in the trees and the back yard before the dogs go out and dig up dirt all over the gorgeous white blanket a night snowfall has left. i love seeing kids sled riding and snowmans and i cannot wait to have children to share the fun of the snow with...but it always feels so long. ususally by january 1st, i am ready for summer and sunshine and warmth and longer days.
i hate nightfall at 5:30 and being trapped inside. i hate having to layer up in 40 different shirts and 3 pairs of socks to go outside. i like the freedom of throwing on a pair of flip flops and taking the dogs out for a run in the yard. i hate the nasty salt and slush look on all of the cars from november-march. i hate the rushing around at the holidays and the thought that i am so blessed and there are so many out there that are not so lucky. i guess that's why i never really liked fall too much. i knew what was just around the corner...all of those things that i hate so much.
luckily, my opinions have changed. sure, i still don't like too much about winter, but finally, i am able to enjoy what i have right in front of me: fall. the gorgeous leaves, the constant changes nature goes through. it seems like a shedding of the past year, the good & bad-to start fresh. the smells, the sports, the memories. i have finally started to appreciate these blessings. only took me 27 years. God is good.
Monday, October 17, 2011
getting older is getting better
so one of my very best friends got married this past weekend. i decided that because i rarely see her (since she moved 3000 miles away a few years ago) that i would sleep over @ the hotel the night before with our other friends and really spend some great time with her before the big day. i am so glad that i did. i love her and always end up laughing my ass off when i am with her.
after the rehearsal dinner, i said goodbye to ad and we were off to the south side for some late night adult beverages and girls nite fun! what i realized throughout the evening was just how old i have gotten in the past few years. at first, i felt a tad uncomfortable in these bars and nightclubs, college kids everywhere, dressed like they were being filmed for a "jersey shore" episode and dancing as ridiculously as i did @ SRU years back. then i starting really thinking about how little i miss those times.
don't get me wrong-do i miss those people? yes. do i miss the wild & crazy nights out on the town feeling carefree and young & on top of the world? sometimes. but when i really think about what i have gained in giving up that lifestyle, i think about how lucky i am. i have the best things in the world surrounding me every single day and i wouldn't trade my life now for anything on earth.
when talking to my friend about life after the "big day," i told her how thankful i was to have found such a guy, and i truly believe she has also met her 100% match in every way. she is marrying someone that compliments her in every way a person should be complimented and he adores her, what's more. i am so excited for her & i know the rest of her life will be better simply because he is in it. she deserves him & the love he gives her.
this weekend made me so thankful in so many ways. i am a lucky girl. there is no doubt about it!
after the rehearsal dinner, i said goodbye to ad and we were off to the south side for some late night adult beverages and girls nite fun! what i realized throughout the evening was just how old i have gotten in the past few years. at first, i felt a tad uncomfortable in these bars and nightclubs, college kids everywhere, dressed like they were being filmed for a "jersey shore" episode and dancing as ridiculously as i did @ SRU years back. then i starting really thinking about how little i miss those times.
don't get me wrong-do i miss those people? yes. do i miss the wild & crazy nights out on the town feeling carefree and young & on top of the world? sometimes. but when i really think about what i have gained in giving up that lifestyle, i think about how lucky i am. i have the best things in the world surrounding me every single day and i wouldn't trade my life now for anything on earth.
when talking to my friend about life after the "big day," i told her how thankful i was to have found such a guy, and i truly believe she has also met her 100% match in every way. she is marrying someone that compliments her in every way a person should be complimented and he adores her, what's more. i am so excited for her & i know the rest of her life will be better simply because he is in it. she deserves him & the love he gives her.
this weekend made me so thankful in so many ways. i am a lucky girl. there is no doubt about it!
Friday, October 14, 2011
busy week
this has been a tough week for me. i could blame it on all the last minute details i have been working on for my friend's wedding, traveling for work, or even just all the last second things that have come up since monday.
truth is... i'm glad i have been so busy, because it has kept my mind from thinking about what a hard week this really has been. this week marks 10 years since my pappap left this earth and 7 years since scott has passed so tragically. i miss both of these men so much, and unfortunately, i am a habitual over-thinker. my brain just never shuts off-this "trait" allows me to be creative & inventive, but also keeps me awake at night and keeps me worrying about things completely out of my control.
i know that death is a part of life, and i understand that in death, both of these men have found salvation & are with our Lord. That is, of course, comforting & wonderful, but the sinful, human side of me can't help but think of how much i miss them both and the memories we had made & the emptiness that fills those places in my heart. thank goodness for family & good friends to make these times seem a little easier each passing year.
there is so much to look forward to in my life, and i know that i will always have the memory of 2 amazing men that are now with their Father. i am so thankful for the things that i have been given in my life & i cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for me. i hope that others out there, like me, having a hard time in their lives find peace in others around them as well as within their hearts. they are only gone from us for a short while, they are just keeping our seats warm for us when we get there...
truth is... i'm glad i have been so busy, because it has kept my mind from thinking about what a hard week this really has been. this week marks 10 years since my pappap left this earth and 7 years since scott has passed so tragically. i miss both of these men so much, and unfortunately, i am a habitual over-thinker. my brain just never shuts off-this "trait" allows me to be creative & inventive, but also keeps me awake at night and keeps me worrying about things completely out of my control.
i know that death is a part of life, and i understand that in death, both of these men have found salvation & are with our Lord. That is, of course, comforting & wonderful, but the sinful, human side of me can't help but think of how much i miss them both and the memories we had made & the emptiness that fills those places in my heart. thank goodness for family & good friends to make these times seem a little easier each passing year.
there is so much to look forward to in my life, and i know that i will always have the memory of 2 amazing men that are now with their Father. i am so thankful for the things that i have been given in my life & i cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for me. i hope that others out there, like me, having a hard time in their lives find peace in others around them as well as within their hearts. they are only gone from us for a short while, they are just keeping our seats warm for us when we get there...
Monday, September 26, 2011
the luckiest
i am truly the luckiest girl in the world. i have great family and i have chosen the best friends anyone could ask for. i also have adam.
he is the best. our personalities are so different, but fit one another so perfectly it is disgusting. i know he is the man for me. he is so selfless and so understanding. he keeps me grounded and keeps me from losing it when i am at my wits end. he really just understands what i need and is willing to do anything to make me the happiest i can be. the funny thing is-i am aready so happy when i am with him.
i know that no life is perfect. mine is certainly no exception. i am constantly worrying and freaking out over things i have no control over. all the while, adam is so steadfast and calm...never giving in to my tantrums or getting frustrated with my emotions.
he is in many ways a "guy's guy" with his welding equiptment and his yard work, chopping wood, hanging drywall, fixing everything that goes wrong in our tiny house...i love all of it. and then there are his dirty shirts. shirts that are so stained and hopeless after one wear...shirts that ignore oxy clean and bleach, but still feel right when i lay my head on them after a long day at work. i love that he is rugged on the outside with stubble and sweat on his face, but such a good man all the way down to his core. i think men like adam are few and far between. i know three of them: my dad, adam, and adam's dad. my three favorite men on earth. my pappap was one of those men too. adam reminds me so much of my pap, in every single way.
i love imagining my future with my handsome adam. i know that no matter what it holds, i will be safe and sound with him.
he is the best. our personalities are so different, but fit one another so perfectly it is disgusting. i know he is the man for me. he is so selfless and so understanding. he keeps me grounded and keeps me from losing it when i am at my wits end. he really just understands what i need and is willing to do anything to make me the happiest i can be. the funny thing is-i am aready so happy when i am with him.
i know that no life is perfect. mine is certainly no exception. i am constantly worrying and freaking out over things i have no control over. all the while, adam is so steadfast and calm...never giving in to my tantrums or getting frustrated with my emotions.
he is in many ways a "guy's guy" with his welding equiptment and his yard work, chopping wood, hanging drywall, fixing everything that goes wrong in our tiny house...i love all of it. and then there are his dirty shirts. shirts that are so stained and hopeless after one wear...shirts that ignore oxy clean and bleach, but still feel right when i lay my head on them after a long day at work. i love that he is rugged on the outside with stubble and sweat on his face, but such a good man all the way down to his core. i think men like adam are few and far between. i know three of them: my dad, adam, and adam's dad. my three favorite men on earth. my pappap was one of those men too. adam reminds me so much of my pap, in every single way.
i love imagining my future with my handsome adam. i know that no matter what it holds, i will be safe and sound with him.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
a prayer for friends in need
sometimes i wonder why God challenges some families so much. i know that He never gives us anything we can't handle....but it is true, why does He trust some families with so much?
i know that i am not supposed to question the works and ways of the Lord, but watching these families go through so much pain just plain hurts. Just when it seems they have their heads above water, another devastating blow...i just don't understand. i wish there was something i could do for them, maybe that is part of the test-not only what they can withstand, but what their friends can withstand as well.
i trust in the Lord with all of my heart & i know that these families do as well...i know that He hears our prayers and sends us comfort, but every person does have a breaking point. i pray that they find the light at the end of their tunnel and peace finds them soon...for i cannot think of a family that deserves it more. people that would do anything for others and have. people that follow the words and ways of the Lord in their day to day lives, not just on Sundays. people that show their love for God in all walks of their lives.
i know that i am not supposed to question the works and ways of the Lord, but watching these families go through so much pain just plain hurts. Just when it seems they have their heads above water, another devastating blow...i just don't understand. i wish there was something i could do for them, maybe that is part of the test-not only what they can withstand, but what their friends can withstand as well.
i trust in the Lord with all of my heart & i know that these families do as well...i know that He hears our prayers and sends us comfort, but every person does have a breaking point. i pray that they find the light at the end of their tunnel and peace finds them soon...for i cannot think of a family that deserves it more. people that would do anything for others and have. people that follow the words and ways of the Lord in their day to day lives, not just on Sundays. people that show their love for God in all walks of their lives.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
sibling rivalry
i have been thinking about this for a long time now...how some parents treat their children so differently. i guess it is not my place to judge, not being a parent, but that is such a strange concept to me. siblings already compare themselves to one another, why make lives any harder?
i guess maybe because i was brought up in a house that was meticulously fair, i find it extra hard to believe that there are families out there that will treat their children so unfairly. why is one child's birthday more important than another? why is one child's achievements always more rewarded and encouraged? why is one child held with so much regard, while the other is met with conversation and adoration only when convenient?
i have always compared myself to my sister...how could i not? she is gorgeous. even in 7th grade, when 90% of your school is in an awkward stage, she wasn't. she modeled, she was athletic, she was popular...all those things i cared about so much back then...maybe i am wrong, but i think many siblings (especially sisters) go through this. don't get me wrong, it never made me love her any less and she never treated me like i wasn't good enough, but there were some times i wish it would have been easier, i wish i would have felt like i was worth more than i thought...
when i think about these things, i also think about how great my mom was at reminding me how special i was, how special God made me and how proud of me they BOTH were. she would never have put erin's dance trophy in front of my band award or vice versa. she loved us both exactly the same. we knew it. she told us. she showed us.
when i think about the way some people are treated, i just feel so awful, i know if i wouldn't have had the support of my parents all those hard years, i would never be so strong today. sometimes i wonder how some parents can live with themselves...
i guess maybe because i was brought up in a house that was meticulously fair, i find it extra hard to believe that there are families out there that will treat their children so unfairly. why is one child's birthday more important than another? why is one child's achievements always more rewarded and encouraged? why is one child held with so much regard, while the other is met with conversation and adoration only when convenient?
i have always compared myself to my sister...how could i not? she is gorgeous. even in 7th grade, when 90% of your school is in an awkward stage, she wasn't. she modeled, she was athletic, she was popular...all those things i cared about so much back then...maybe i am wrong, but i think many siblings (especially sisters) go through this. don't get me wrong, it never made me love her any less and she never treated me like i wasn't good enough, but there were some times i wish it would have been easier, i wish i would have felt like i was worth more than i thought...
when i think about these things, i also think about how great my mom was at reminding me how special i was, how special God made me and how proud of me they BOTH were. she would never have put erin's dance trophy in front of my band award or vice versa. she loved us both exactly the same. we knew it. she told us. she showed us.
when i think about the way some people are treated, i just feel so awful, i know if i wouldn't have had the support of my parents all those hard years, i would never be so strong today. sometimes i wonder how some parents can live with themselves...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
welcome to my life...
i share my life with a lot of fabulous people, first & foremost, i share it with the Lord. He is a huge part of my life & i plan to walk with Him throughout the rest of it.
adam- i call him my rock because that is exactly what he is. he never faulters. he stays right by me throughout every bump in the road. i have never met someone so patient or so easy to forgive. i admire him for his strength, his hard work, & his ability to love me unconditionally. he is the one decision i will never regret.
erin- she is my sister & my ultimate best friend. she makes me laugh in every situation & she truly cares about me. she is a fantastic mother to my favorite peanuts emma & ava, & i cherish every moment i spend with all 3 of them.
mom & dad- 2 people that can never be replaced or forgotten. they have shown me what marriage really is all about & i am so grateful for that. i have never been embarrassed by them or with them. they are the kind of parents i wish everyone had- the kind that make you want to do the right thing & make them proud. they have shown me love beyond words & i hope adam & i can be even 1/2 of the parents that they were to erin & me.
i love my life & i have enjoyed all the twists & turns it has taken this past year. marriage is not the easiest thing in the world, but it certainly worth every bump in the road. i look forward to my life ahead with adam & my family. i know it will be one worth writing about...at least to me.
adam- i call him my rock because that is exactly what he is. he never faulters. he stays right by me throughout every bump in the road. i have never met someone so patient or so easy to forgive. i admire him for his strength, his hard work, & his ability to love me unconditionally. he is the one decision i will never regret.
erin- she is my sister & my ultimate best friend. she makes me laugh in every situation & she truly cares about me. she is a fantastic mother to my favorite peanuts emma & ava, & i cherish every moment i spend with all 3 of them.
mom & dad- 2 people that can never be replaced or forgotten. they have shown me what marriage really is all about & i am so grateful for that. i have never been embarrassed by them or with them. they are the kind of parents i wish everyone had- the kind that make you want to do the right thing & make them proud. they have shown me love beyond words & i hope adam & i can be even 1/2 of the parents that they were to erin & me.
i love my life & i have enjoyed all the twists & turns it has taken this past year. marriage is not the easiest thing in the world, but it certainly worth every bump in the road. i look forward to my life ahead with adam & my family. i know it will be one worth writing about...at least to me.
t minus 10 days...
i am not a world traveler (as much as i would love to be one), but if there is one thing i know about-it's the importance of a family vacation. it doesn't matter where or when-just that it is often enough that the memories don't fade too much between trips. my family has been on a few of these, some near, some far...but the best have always been to california.
if you know my family at all, you know it is a rare occassion for us to be able to afford such a trip. my uncle lives in california, and despite the sheer beauty & nearly flawless weather, i think my favorite part is seeing my dad & uncle together.
this trip will include the people i care about most in this world & i cannot believe it is almost here. pictures will follow.
if you know my family at all, you know it is a rare occassion for us to be able to afford such a trip. my uncle lives in california, and despite the sheer beauty & nearly flawless weather, i think my favorite part is seeing my dad & uncle together.
this trip will include the people i care about most in this world & i cannot believe it is almost here. pictures will follow.
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